Family caregiving is both a deeply rewarding and challenging role. It demands adaptability, compassion, and ongoing learning as caregivers tackle the complexities of supporting loved ones. The initial feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty are common for new caregivers.
To shed more light on this, we spoke with Barry J. Jacobs, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist, family therapist, and national healthcare consultant with Health Management Associates. As the author of three caregiving books and a long-time columnist for AARP.org, Barry shares practical advice and insights for caregivers based on his extensive expertise.
Nearly everyone feels overwhelmed and uncertain at first. However, every new caregiver should remember that this is a path many others have walked before them. All they need to do is mention to relatives, friends, and colleagues that they are in this unfamiliar role. Others will offer stories, support, and advice based on their caregiving experiences.
My general advice is three-fold: First, learn the lay of the land. Read online about your care receiver’s health condition, treatments, and prognosis (what their likely outcomes will be). Knowledge is surely power. Second, always reach out. Caregivers can become so focused on daily caregiving tasks that they can become isolated from others. However, social connectedness is the soul food that helps caregivers endure. Third, expect to learn, grow, and change. Most people are not the same people post-caregiving as they were pre-caregiving. They have gained skills and a sense of mastery. They become more confident.
– Barry Jacobs
Many caregivers underestimate how long caregiving may go on, especially for a slowly progressing condition such as dementia. They say, “I’ll do whatever it takes,” without realizing just how open-ended a commitment they may be making. Instead, it would be better for caregivers to learn more about what caregiving may entail and then retain the right to make necessary changes over time. For example, you may commit to a parent’s care but then exhaust yourself over the years and need to hand off the caregiving responsibilities to someone else. That doesn’t mean you have failed the parent; you have done your best for as long as possible.
Family members determine their caregiving commitments based on their willingness, ability, and availability. The reality of family life is that those three factors vary from one member to the next because of differences in outlooks and other obligations. Effective communication with family members starts with accepting that reality without resentment. Caregivers can then make direct, tailored requests to each family member for help with specific, concrete tasks they are most likely to agree to, given their limitations. For example, a family member who lives far away will not take a parent to their physical therapy appointment but could help manage the parent’s bills from afar.
Disease-specific organizations, such as the Alzheimer’s Association and National Parkinson Foundation, have websites with medical information. To learn more about caregiving, caregivers can also go to the AARP.org website or ones for caregiver advocacy organizations, such as the Family Caregiver Alliance and Caregiver Action Network. It is also a good idea to contact the Area Agency on Aging (if the care receiver is 60 or older) in the care receiver’s area (go to the online Eldercare Locator to find the right AAA) to get information about local resources.
Barry J. Jacobs offers invaluable advice for family caregivers: educate yourself about the care receiver’s condition to feel more prepared, stay socially connected to avoid burnout, and embrace the personal growth that caregiving can bring. He reminds caregivers to communicate openly with family members, ask for specific help, and plan for the long-term nature of caregiving. By applying these principles, caregivers can navigate their roles with greater confidence and resilience.
Barry J. Jacobs, Psy.D. is a Philadelphia area-based clinical psychologist, family therapist, and a Principal for Health Management Associates, a national healthcare consulting firm. He is the author of three books on family caregiving, including the forthcoming (July 2025) AARP Caregiver Answer Book, and has written a self-help column for family caregivers for AARP.org since 2013.
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