Caregiving is one of those wild, bittersweet gigs that can light up your heart and wring you out all in the same breath. It’s not just a job, it’s a full-on, soul-deep calling that asks for every ounce of patience, guts, and stubbornness you’ve got, whether looking after your aging folks, your partner, or someone else who means the world to you. But let’s not sugarcoat it: this is hard. So many caregivers run on fumes, wrestling with exhaustion, stress that just won’t quit, and that quiet little voice whispering, Am I disappearing?
We contacted Debbie Compton to get some honest, from-the-trenches insight on this. So, keep on reading to know her insights.
The lack of control was the most challenging part of shifting from corporate leadership to caregiving. In business, Managers reported to me. I’d make a request once, and they would make it happen. That’s NOT how caregiving works! I tried to apply logic to an illogical disease. Dementia attacks the logical side of the brain first, so someone who has any form of dementia is no longer operating with a properly functioning logic center. As the disease progresses, they lose more ability to be logical.
I had to learn to be more patient and slow down. Once I learned to let go of perfectionism, our lives were happier. We arrived at the eye doctor’s appointment one day after a hectic morning. I noticed Mom had mismatched shoes on. I had a choice to make at that moment. I could either feel like a failure due to the mismatched shoes or view it as a win since we made it on time; she was fully dressed and had her dentures and glasses on. I counted it as a win because no one noticed her shoes, and the world kept spinning.
Take even a few minutes daily to do something that brings you joy. Read a book, garden, soak in a tub, knit, or whatever brings you joy. If you are a solo caregiver and believe you can’t take any time out for yourself, email me at Deb@ThePurpleVine.com, and I’ll teach you how you can. I did it without taking anything away from my loved ones or leaving them alone. I can be slow to get things deep into my spirit, so I wrote on an index card, “Self-care is not selfish,” and posted it on the fridge as a reminder.
Secondly, you need to build your support network before you need it. Discuss how people can help and find out what they are willing to do before the time comes for them to help. Building your network of helpers is vital to having sustainable caregiving and avoiding burnout.
The third thing that caregivers must do is practice gratitude. It sounds wild, but your mindset plays a vital role in your ability to provide quality care. Be grateful for the abilities your loved one still possesses instead of constantly mourning the losses. It’s about reframing your focus, and it makes all the difference. Try writing down three things you are thankful for each day. Don’t let yourself repeat any for a week. This simple exercise creates new neuropathways in the brain, training it to look for the good instead of dwelling on the negativity you’re so often surrounded by. I made a journal to help caregivers release their emotions to the page and not hold them in. It also asks positive questions to shift your focus. It’s called Write to Remember, and it’s on my website and Amazon.
– Debbie Compton
Alzheimer’s is a type of dementia, and here’s the key thing to get straight: dementia isn’t just a normal part of getting older; it’s a whole different beast. It can get tricky to unpack, so I put together a quick little e-book to break it down for you. Think of it as a no-fluff guide to sorting out what’s what, based on what I’ve seen and learned along the way. I hope it clears up some of the fog!
I am a firm believer in humor. It reduces stress, increases endorphins, and helps reframe your mindset. When something depressing happens, like when my mother-in-law could no longer distinguish flowers from weeds and pulled my tulips, I laughed instead of crying or getting angry. What good would come of either of those last two responses? Nothing good. They would increase stress and tension for both of us. Instead, I laughed and commented on how to move that flower bed anyway. Her dignity was spared, and my tulips bloomed again the following year, no permanent harm done.
I encourage caregivers to consider this: your loved one did not choose this awful disease. They are not giving you a hard time; they are having a hard time. Stress causes dementia to progress faster, so try to choose the healthier path of laughter whenever possible.
Workplaces can offer flexible hours so caregivers can attend doctor visits or handle emergencies. Caregivers are very organized people; even if they weren’t before, they become that way out of necessity. Medications must be administered on time, healthy meals fixed, appointments scheduled, behaviors and reactions monitored, proper hygiene and supplies always on hand, and a host of other things. Caregivers are typically fantastic multitaskers and excellent at thinking on their feet.
It is in a company’s best interest to help caregivers through this challenging journey. Some companies bring in professionals like me to teach caregivers the strategies they need to handle the difficult balance. We also educate caregivers on disease progression and preparedness training. Caregiver circles, where caregivers can share with their peers on a similar journey, help reduce isolation and offer hope, often resulting in longer employment.
Caregiving is challenging, no question. Whether stepping out of a career into this role, juggling stress, or trying to keep your head above water, it’s about letting go of control, taking small steps for yourself, and finding light in the dark. As Debbie Compton puts it, the goal is to equip caregivers with tools and a mindset not just to survive but thrive with a bit of laughter along the way.
Debbie Compton is a bestselling author, certified caregiving consultant, team-building expert, private coach, speaker, and workshop facilitator dedicated to empowering caregivers. After trading corporate America for full-time caregiving for her parents (both with dementia) and her mother-in-law (with Alzheimer’s), she turned her experience into a passion. With over a decade of hands-on insight, she helps caregivers reduce stress, block burnout, and rediscover joy. Her unique blend of practical strategies, humor, and compassion has made her a lifeline for those feeling lost in the caregiving maze.
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