Caregiving is a deeply personal and often demanding role, requiring dedication, resilience, and adaptability. Family caregivers face the challenge of balancing multiple responsibilities, from providing physical and emotional care to managing other aspects of life. Loren M. Gelberg-Goff, a psychotherapist, author, and keynote speaker, has worked extensively with caregivers to help them find sustainable ways to care for others while prioritizing their well-being. Through her writing and guidance, Gelberg-Goff offers practical insights on everything from balancing self-care with caregiving responsibilities to navigating cultural nuances in caregiving.
One of the most challenging issues caregivers face is the idea that one can, in fact, balance caregiving with other responsibilities. The first step towards creating a balance is learning that caregiving is NOT an either/or scenario but an AND necessity. As anyone who has ever been on an airplane knows, while giving safety information, flight attendants inform us that oxygen should be required. If one is traveling with a dependent, one MUST place the oxygen mask over one’s face FIRST. I know this initially sounds and feels counter-intuitive, but it is an absolute necessity. Because if YOU are not breathing, you cannot help anyone else. Balance may not happen equally every day, but when a caregiver is willing to acknowledge and respect her/his own needs and feelings, we can create moments of ease throughout each day, leading to greater overall balance in the caregiver’s life. Balance is created by taking one step at a time to respect the value of Self-Care and Self-Compassion with the value and responsibility of Caregiving. It’s remembering that the greatest gift you can give to a loved one is to love and care for yourself as well.
Those who look at caregivers from the outside tend to only focus on what care the “patient” is receiving and do not look at the physical, mental, and emotional toll that providing loving care takes on the caregiver. Most caregivers appear to others to have everything under control, and while caregivers may say they feel exhausted, others have learned to ignore or dismiss complaints. Because too many caregivers do not ask for help, others do not necessarily think to offer because they do not know what help to offer, thus further perpetuating these misconceptions.
Every culture has its own beliefs, rules, and traditions. It is very normal and expected in some cultures that a loved one will stay with family, or family members will devote themselves to providing all necessary care, and any other living arrangements would be considered unacceptable. As anyone who provides support and guidance for caregivers, it’s imperative that a family’s culture is explored, respected, and understood so that appropriate recommendations can be provided. When caregivers are not open to making changes in how they provide care for their loved ones, we have to explore what support they might be open to that may be outside their current awareness.
Thriving as a caregiver means paying attention to his/her own mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Recognizing the importance of self-care is necessary to create and maintain a good quality of life. Health is not just the absence of disease but the state of good physical, mental, and social well-being. This can only happen when the caregivers are paying attention to, respecting their needs and feelings, and taking action to support them positively. While many caregivers initially feel guilty when they start paying attention to what they need, want, and feel, as the quality of their life begins to improve, they find that they have more positive and compassionate energy for their caregiving responsibilities, and this creates a better quality of life all around (even if one’s loved one’s life cannot be improved upon). When the caregiver’s needs are respected and cared for, one’s perspective on caregiving improves and thus improves overall quality of life. This can be done in small steps; give yourself rewards each day. Maybe linger over a cup of coffee or tea, walk outside, spend time with a friend, or listen to one’s favorite music. We must take the small steps before we take the giant steps.
– Loren Gelberg
I wrote my book, Take Back Your Life: A Caregiver’s Guide to Finding Freedom in the Midst of Overwhelm, because I want caregivers to know there are ways to care for themselves while still being respectful and compassionate. It is possible to have a life outside of caregiving responsibilities. Being a caregiver is very isolating, and the journey of caregiving is challenging under the best of circumstances, and not everyone has the best of circumstances. My book offers strategies and tools to learn new coping skills so that each caregiver can take as good care of himself/herself as they do of those they love.
Loren M. Gelberg-Goff highlights the importance of self-care as the foundation for effective caregiving. For caregivers, adopting a proactive approach to balance, and acknowledging their own needs alongside those of their loved ones, enables them to be more resilient and compassionate. By addressing cultural nuances, misconceptions, and the daily challenges caregivers face, Gelberg-Goff’s insights offer a path forward to a healthier and more fulfilling caregiving experience. Her advice reminds that caregiving does not have to be an all-consuming role. By integrating self-compassion and self-respect, caregivers can sustain themselves and better support their loved ones.
Loren M. Gelberg-Goff, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, author, and keynote speaker dedicated to empowering caregivers. Her work, including Take Back Your Life and Being Well Within: From Distressed to De-Stressed, offers tools and support to help caregivers reclaim their lives without sacrificing the compassion they provide to others.
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